life in mib is good, not hectic, yet not too laid back to make me feel bored. Though there are times that i just can't help but skip some classes because i'm in need of some motivation. Thankfully i've a reason for skipping this weeks' practical. Fine time to be sick, literally, with no sarcasm intended.
On another note, i think my wish of becoming a psychic may actually become true. I've always knew that i could trust my intuition because it has never failed to help me with my problems. And there were times when things i dreamnt came true in real life. And there were many times that things the little voice in my head told me would happen DID happen. And my playing the tarot cards and pendulum helped somewhat too. I'm beginning to see things and hear things.
Suprisingly, i'm not scared. I mean i love horror movies but i get scared after watching them. But this, i'm totally calm about it, which in turn scares my mom. I've always wanted to have psychic powers and my mom thinks i'm mental. Gosh, you should've seen her reaction when i told her i was fooling around with a pendulum. My cat ran for cover, whimpering, when he heard my mom's devilish scream. But she's more accepting towards stuff like this now that she's read the book i bought on psychics. She's the one who bought me my tarot cards for my birthday. I still remember how freaked out she was when strange things were happening in my house after i started playing with the pendulum. Now, she just warns me to be more careful and not to attract the bad ones, but the good ones are totally fine with her. It'd be cool if i do have powers so that i can help the living communicate with their deceased loved ones and vice versa. Only then will i feel like i'm living a meaningful life and die with no regrets
Thursday, October 29, 2009
ma homies
the B's are:
Winnie Lim Wei Jinn a.k.a pooh
Cheah Wai Lee a.k.a Lady Cheah or Aunty
Lee Ai Yan a.k.a Doinkie
Lim Su Chen a.k.a Moth
WE RULE THE WORLD
Winnie Lim Wei Jinn a.k.a pooh
Cheah Wai Lee a.k.a Lady Cheah or Aunty
Lee Ai Yan a.k.a Doinkie
Lim Su Chen a.k.a Moth
WE RULE THE WORLD
you wanna play me?
kudos to me for being able to live such a mundane lifestyle, most people can't take the boredom that comes with it.
What's the most exciting event of my everyday life? I get to dig up feline turd. How awesome is that?? It's sort of like digging up treasure, but instead of me keeping it, it's thrown away, but not forgetting the awful stench that comes with it. If you want to be happy, you gotta sacrifice something.
And it's no fun playing the guitar for an audience (meaning friends and family, usually just one person) when no one knows the songs you're playing. I'd be happily strumming or picking away, glad to be showing of my solos and all, when no one could appreciate the awesomeness i've displayed for them cuz they don't know the flipping song!! That's 5 whole minutes wasted! And the sad part is, they'd be requesting songs that I'm not familiar with. That's when i totally felt isolated from the world. Radioes just don't exist in my world. I'm just forced to listen to lite.fm cuz that's what my dad listens to when we're the car. But now that he's bought a new car WITH a cd player installed, bye bye sad little music station, hello to MY collection of cds which i consider as real music. No offence to radio fans, it's just my opinion. Can't i express my thoughts without having to go through an argument? Just once?
Well, enough of this self pity. I guess my life isn't so bad after all. I've two cats to accompany me at home and three amazing friends to bring out the crazy side of me when they're around. There's nothing much to say about my family, sis and bro not around, mom and dad always arguing. My life is like a simple plan song. But, thanks to my friends, i'm able to get the fun out of life. Reasons why they're still my best friends after 5 years:
1. Though they're always calling me weird, it's not like eeww, you're weird. They say it as a statement, but they accept it. Or they'll joke about it and stuff, and i'm ok with it cuz THEY'RE ok with who i am. But their definition of weird is so broad. Just because i prefer the other vampire than edward i'm considered as a weird person with a weird taste in guys.
2. Fuiyoh, the times we've had, totally the best times in my life. I remember once we ordered mcd while we're still in school and we had to hide and chase after the delivery guy cuz that day the place was swarmed with prefects and disciplinary teachers. And then we skipped class and was forced to have our feast in the storeroom in the toilet. At one point, i thought i heard the sound of heels right outside the door and we all panicked. Trust aiyan to still be able to take a photo at such a dangerous moment. So we were shh-ing one another to shut up and after a few minutes, someone finally mustered the courage and opened the door...no one was outside also! And i got berated for causing them to shit their pants =D
3. I feel really comfortable with them, so comfortable that i'm sometimes able to let slip some of my secrets in life. Everyone knows i don't like talking about my problems and am very secretive. Heck, i don't talk to my mom about it too. So it's a huge thing for me to actually tell someone about my secrets. Before this, i'd feel embarassed about my little condition i had early this year. After i've told the B's about it, i'm so open about it, it's like a normal thing for me to talk about now, no longer a secret. I WAS TREATED FOR DEPRESSION, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT?! But i must add, malaysian psychiatrists are useless. They're just in it for the money. I mean, charging a patient an average of 300+ for a half hour session while all they do is ask them stupid questions like do you have any siblings? What are your interests? Crappy stuff but nothing about why they're feeling sad. I went for 3 sessions, total of 1000+, with pills, and still he has no idea what's wrong with me. The only thing he managed to pinpoint was that i'm a goth. Dang, what's that got to do with my problems? Are you saying that i'm depressed because i'm goth? I'm so dark and morbid that being depressed is part of a goth's lifestyle? No wonder shrinks have bad reputations. All they do is diagnose that you have depression and then try to guess what you are, a goth? A psychotic maniac? A nerd?
4. They're always there for me. And i would like them to know that i'm always there for them too
What's the most exciting event of my everyday life? I get to dig up feline turd. How awesome is that?? It's sort of like digging up treasure, but instead of me keeping it, it's thrown away, but not forgetting the awful stench that comes with it. If you want to be happy, you gotta sacrifice something.
And it's no fun playing the guitar for an audience (meaning friends and family, usually just one person) when no one knows the songs you're playing. I'd be happily strumming or picking away, glad to be showing of my solos and all, when no one could appreciate the awesomeness i've displayed for them cuz they don't know the flipping song!! That's 5 whole minutes wasted! And the sad part is, they'd be requesting songs that I'm not familiar with. That's when i totally felt isolated from the world. Radioes just don't exist in my world. I'm just forced to listen to lite.fm cuz that's what my dad listens to when we're the car. But now that he's bought a new car WITH a cd player installed, bye bye sad little music station, hello to MY collection of cds which i consider as real music. No offence to radio fans, it's just my opinion. Can't i express my thoughts without having to go through an argument? Just once?
Well, enough of this self pity. I guess my life isn't so bad after all. I've two cats to accompany me at home and three amazing friends to bring out the crazy side of me when they're around. There's nothing much to say about my family, sis and bro not around, mom and dad always arguing. My life is like a simple plan song. But, thanks to my friends, i'm able to get the fun out of life. Reasons why they're still my best friends after 5 years:
1. Though they're always calling me weird, it's not like eeww, you're weird. They say it as a statement, but they accept it. Or they'll joke about it and stuff, and i'm ok with it cuz THEY'RE ok with who i am. But their definition of weird is so broad. Just because i prefer the other vampire than edward i'm considered as a weird person with a weird taste in guys.
2. Fuiyoh, the times we've had, totally the best times in my life. I remember once we ordered mcd while we're still in school and we had to hide and chase after the delivery guy cuz that day the place was swarmed with prefects and disciplinary teachers. And then we skipped class and was forced to have our feast in the storeroom in the toilet. At one point, i thought i heard the sound of heels right outside the door and we all panicked. Trust aiyan to still be able to take a photo at such a dangerous moment. So we were shh-ing one another to shut up and after a few minutes, someone finally mustered the courage and opened the door...no one was outside also! And i got berated for causing them to shit their pants =D
3. I feel really comfortable with them, so comfortable that i'm sometimes able to let slip some of my secrets in life. Everyone knows i don't like talking about my problems and am very secretive. Heck, i don't talk to my mom about it too. So it's a huge thing for me to actually tell someone about my secrets. Before this, i'd feel embarassed about my little condition i had early this year. After i've told the B's about it, i'm so open about it, it's like a normal thing for me to talk about now, no longer a secret. I WAS TREATED FOR DEPRESSION, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT?! But i must add, malaysian psychiatrists are useless. They're just in it for the money. I mean, charging a patient an average of 300+ for a half hour session while all they do is ask them stupid questions like do you have any siblings? What are your interests? Crappy stuff but nothing about why they're feeling sad. I went for 3 sessions, total of 1000+, with pills, and still he has no idea what's wrong with me. The only thing he managed to pinpoint was that i'm a goth. Dang, what's that got to do with my problems? Are you saying that i'm depressed because i'm goth? I'm so dark and morbid that being depressed is part of a goth's lifestyle? No wonder shrinks have bad reputations. All they do is diagnose that you have depression and then try to guess what you are, a goth? A psychotic maniac? A nerd?
4. They're always there for me. And i would like them to know that i'm always there for them too
Thursday, October 22, 2009
jie jie
OMIGOSH!!! my mom actually told my brother about me having a tattoo!! and he said he's totally fine with it!! SWEET, SWEET LIFE!!! i admit i was a tad worried about how he'd react since he's really into his religion and stuff, but he's still really open minded and i'm glad about that. the last thing i need is to have a brother constantly trying to convert me into becoming a mormon or preaching at the dinner table. but he's GREAT!!!
ok, since i've dedicated a whole post to my bro, i'm gonna do one now for my sis. my sis is just 2 years older than me, but when we were younger, we were inseparable. everywhere my sister, i'll be sure to go. i'd even copy everything she does or eats. i learned to love mcd's cheeseburger because that's what she ordered everytime we eat there and i'll always, ALWAYS order the same thing. when we were young, us kids were really poor cuz we didn't have any pocket money then. so on special occasions, we'd make handmade cards for our parents. bro would make all these really creative cards with very meaningful, and sometimes hilarious messages written inside. me? i'd just copy whatever my sister did, every single detail. so when my parents each received their cards, there'd be duplicates in the stack and it's no mystery who was the copy cat. so, a few years later, my sister started copyrighting her designs and i was forced to design my own. though they were really cheesy ( i was still a little kid after all, give me a break), my mom said they were the best that i've ever done. aww...that's so nice of my mom, though she was supposed to say that to cheer me up, not make me miserable by stating how ugly it looked, which in reality, they were.
also, when my brother was busy reading, or listening to classical music while swaying his hands around like a conductor, or just hanging with his friends (he's 7 years older), my sister and i would have our own games to occupy ourselves. OUR games are nothing like the games we played with my brother, which were violent and usually ends with either one of us girls crying. when my brother was around, we'd be playing superman where we'd be jumping off the double decker beds with a blanket tied around our necks like a cape, or armour man, where my brother would wrap himself in a thin mattress and squash us with his huge body, or we'd wrestle. but when he's not around, our games are simple, pleasant and fun. we'd play teacher-teacher (no prize for guessing who the teacher is), or balloonminton( hitting a balloon around like badminton) or messing around with my mothers' makeup (we got in a lot of trouble for that but we never stopped).
i'm really gullible and would fall for anything. i really believed it when my kindergarten friend told me she lived in a jungle, or when my primary one friend said that you can make milk with pencil sharpenings, or the time when one of my friends said she took part in a competition where the person who could stare at the sun the longest wins. everyone flipping knows it's not possible to even look at the sun cuz it would damage your eyes, but not me!!! so, my sister totally knew how stupid i was. she'd hide herself really well and would not come out for at least 20 minutes. i'd be shouting for her but she wouldn't appear. when she did, she'd tell me she was a witch and she went through a portal to another universe and attended a witches meeting. she'd do this twice a week just for fun. come to think of it, who's the stupid one here? imagine going through all that, just to fool an ignorant little kid. but it doesn't stop there. my mom bought some new sofas and when the plastic wrappers were removed, there were still some left on the bottom of the sofa. when you peek underneath it, you could see shadows that look like little people. that's what my sister told me what is was, little people. and she'll say that they would come out at night and have parties and sometimes, my sister would join them. i actually believed her and even begged her to take me with her the next time she went. OH MY GAWD!!!!!
ok, since i've dedicated a whole post to my bro, i'm gonna do one now for my sis. my sis is just 2 years older than me, but when we were younger, we were inseparable. everywhere my sister, i'll be sure to go. i'd even copy everything she does or eats. i learned to love mcd's cheeseburger because that's what she ordered everytime we eat there and i'll always, ALWAYS order the same thing. when we were young, us kids were really poor cuz we didn't have any pocket money then. so on special occasions, we'd make handmade cards for our parents. bro would make all these really creative cards with very meaningful, and sometimes hilarious messages written inside. me? i'd just copy whatever my sister did, every single detail. so when my parents each received their cards, there'd be duplicates in the stack and it's no mystery who was the copy cat. so, a few years later, my sister started copyrighting her designs and i was forced to design my own. though they were really cheesy ( i was still a little kid after all, give me a break), my mom said they were the best that i've ever done. aww...that's so nice of my mom, though she was supposed to say that to cheer me up, not make me miserable by stating how ugly it looked, which in reality, they were.
also, when my brother was busy reading, or listening to classical music while swaying his hands around like a conductor, or just hanging with his friends (he's 7 years older), my sister and i would have our own games to occupy ourselves. OUR games are nothing like the games we played with my brother, which were violent and usually ends with either one of us girls crying. when my brother was around, we'd be playing superman where we'd be jumping off the double decker beds with a blanket tied around our necks like a cape, or armour man, where my brother would wrap himself in a thin mattress and squash us with his huge body, or we'd wrestle. but when he's not around, our games are simple, pleasant and fun. we'd play teacher-teacher (no prize for guessing who the teacher is), or balloonminton( hitting a balloon around like badminton) or messing around with my mothers' makeup (we got in a lot of trouble for that but we never stopped).
i'm really gullible and would fall for anything. i really believed it when my kindergarten friend told me she lived in a jungle, or when my primary one friend said that you can make milk with pencil sharpenings, or the time when one of my friends said she took part in a competition where the person who could stare at the sun the longest wins. everyone flipping knows it's not possible to even look at the sun cuz it would damage your eyes, but not me!!! so, my sister totally knew how stupid i was. she'd hide herself really well and would not come out for at least 20 minutes. i'd be shouting for her but she wouldn't appear. when she did, she'd tell me she was a witch and she went through a portal to another universe and attended a witches meeting. she'd do this twice a week just for fun. come to think of it, who's the stupid one here? imagine going through all that, just to fool an ignorant little kid. but it doesn't stop there. my mom bought some new sofas and when the plastic wrappers were removed, there were still some left on the bottom of the sofa. when you peek underneath it, you could see shadows that look like little people. that's what my sister told me what is was, little people. and she'll say that they would come out at night and have parties and sometimes, my sister would join them. i actually believed her and even begged her to take me with her the next time she went. OH MY GAWD!!!!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
kor kor
man, i wish i could go back in time. My childhood was amazing! I was still young enough to be weird without having people making fun of me, and if they did, my brother or sister would be there to protect me. Now i'm all grown up, sister doesn't really bother about her bratty younger sisters' life anymore and brother's missing in action since he left for hawaii. I've been bullied and been made fun of but i'm proud of the fact that i've learned to defend myself. FYI, i won't hesitate to throw a punch if violence is required, but mostly i'll just tell the person i forgive them for being so mean even if they don't realise or acknowledge their mistake.
I still remember when we were young, my brother, the creative and artistic one among us kids, would think of ways to entertain us younger sisters. He'll have the air-con on full blast around the house, place stuffed toys in different corners of the house and drag us around on a piece of blanket, like we were hiking through the forest in a snow blizzard. Or he'll make a tent out of the blankets and we'll pretend to be camping. He makes the most amazing tents. Once when our cousins came over for a sleepover, i suggested we played the game. All tents were set up and we had a torch light as the fire. We pretended that we were on a hunting trip and my brother was a wild animal. So he was making all these awful noises and was pulling at the tents, trying to attack us. My cousin brother grabbed my favourite doll and started whacking my brother's head and shrieking like a little girl. After a few hits, my doll's head just snapped and flew across the room. I cried.
Though we had lots of fun with him, he did do some pretty mean stuff to us. One of his favourite games, which me and my sis loathe, was the helicopter game, where he'd grab a bunch of our hair and started twisting them around, like the helicopter's propeller. As a way to defend myself, i'd start kicking and punching him while yelling at him to stop. That's where i learned all my fighting skills. Still, he's the smartest person i've ever known. Since he was 4, he'd be reading books on dinosaurs and physics and he'd pass his knowledge onto us. He'd even quiz us on what we've learned every week. I learned the sequence of the planets and all there is to know about protons since i was just 5 years old, thanks to my brother. Unfortunately, i'd forgotten all about it when i turned 7. It would be such a big help to me during spm if i remembered.
Thank goodness he'll be back in january, though it'd be awkward for me since i haven't spoken to him since 3 years ago
I still remember when we were young, my brother, the creative and artistic one among us kids, would think of ways to entertain us younger sisters. He'll have the air-con on full blast around the house, place stuffed toys in different corners of the house and drag us around on a piece of blanket, like we were hiking through the forest in a snow blizzard. Or he'll make a tent out of the blankets and we'll pretend to be camping. He makes the most amazing tents. Once when our cousins came over for a sleepover, i suggested we played the game. All tents were set up and we had a torch light as the fire. We pretended that we were on a hunting trip and my brother was a wild animal. So he was making all these awful noises and was pulling at the tents, trying to attack us. My cousin brother grabbed my favourite doll and started whacking my brother's head and shrieking like a little girl. After a few hits, my doll's head just snapped and flew across the room. I cried.
Though we had lots of fun with him, he did do some pretty mean stuff to us. One of his favourite games, which me and my sis loathe, was the helicopter game, where he'd grab a bunch of our hair and started twisting them around, like the helicopter's propeller. As a way to defend myself, i'd start kicking and punching him while yelling at him to stop. That's where i learned all my fighting skills. Still, he's the smartest person i've ever known. Since he was 4, he'd be reading books on dinosaurs and physics and he'd pass his knowledge onto us. He'd even quiz us on what we've learned every week. I learned the sequence of the planets and all there is to know about protons since i was just 5 years old, thanks to my brother. Unfortunately, i'd forgotten all about it when i turned 7. It would be such a big help to me during spm if i remembered.
Thank goodness he'll be back in january, though it'd be awkward for me since i haven't spoken to him since 3 years ago
Monday, October 19, 2009
am i more of an angel, or more of a devil? More of a devil, according to my mom.
You know, sometimes i think my mom doesn't really listen to us kids when we're talking to her. Example:
A few years ago, the whole family was riding in the car, on the way to some place or just leaving, i don't remember. But that's not the point. So, i, as the most annoying and problematic person in the family, came up with a question for the family. Conversation went as such:
Sc (me): if a bad genie is gonna turn you into a type of food and he gave you the freedom of choosing whatever food that you're gonna turn into, what would it be? You can't say you don't want to turn into one because it's not an option and you can't choose to be something nasty so that you won't be eaten, cuz that's cheating.
Sis: (after a moment of serious thinking) i want to be a chocolate cake.
Mom: i want to be a lilly flower.
Me and sis were just staring at her and she didn't even notice her mistake.
See? Proof that parents don't listen to you when you wanna talk, but get's mad when you DON'T want to
You know, sometimes i think my mom doesn't really listen to us kids when we're talking to her. Example:
A few years ago, the whole family was riding in the car, on the way to some place or just leaving, i don't remember. But that's not the point. So, i, as the most annoying and problematic person in the family, came up with a question for the family. Conversation went as such:
Sc (me): if a bad genie is gonna turn you into a type of food and he gave you the freedom of choosing whatever food that you're gonna turn into, what would it be? You can't say you don't want to turn into one because it's not an option and you can't choose to be something nasty so that you won't be eaten, cuz that's cheating.
Sis: (after a moment of serious thinking) i want to be a chocolate cake.
Mom: i want to be a lilly flower.
Me and sis were just staring at her and she didn't even notice her mistake.
See? Proof that parents don't listen to you when you wanna talk, but get's mad when you DON'T want to
Friday, October 16, 2009
GRRRRRRRR
i'm really confused. Right now, what i really want to do is just run. Where to? It doesn't matter. All these questions and doubts are really taking a toll on my life, i just wanna let it all out. Screaming won't do, i have really inconsiderate neighbours, don't want them giving me their dirty looks when i see them, not that they're any good to look at anyway. Hmph. FIY: i'm not usually like this, it's just that these bloody thoughts in my head is really making me insane and so mad, i could really kill someone.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
have chocolates, and i'm gratefully dead
i really, really want chocolates right now, preferably truffles, they're AMAZING!! Probably the best kind of chocs i have ever tasted. But to have it is a luxury, 40 something for 100 grams!! What to do, imported from germany. The first time i had it was when my aunt brought a packet over when she came to visit (she's from england but there's nothing british about her though she does try so hard to be one, she's more malaysian ah sam than anything). And i was thinking, wow, it must've cost a fortune, how generous of her. Turns out it was a gift from her german friends or something. I don't really expect much from her. She always saying 'oh, i'm gonna get you this and that before i leave....' but what do i get? More reasons to dislike her. But anyway, chocolates are really the only food that cam make me smile while eating it. It's like, the holy sweet or something. Makes me peaceful inside.....hmmmm....
Now the pissed off part: why wasn't i born in the 60's??? I missed out on all the good stuff!!! All the great bands like grateful dead, the most amazing concert that is woodstock. If i was born in the 70's, i'd be able to enjoy music from both 60's and 80's without having to wait till now. All those awesome bands and songs, covered up in dust, just waiting for me to yank them out, giv 'em a good dusting and just....appreciate them.
Oh grateful dead, i'm so sorry it took me so long to google your music!!! Pardon
Now, this is the very first post where chocolates and rock music are mentioned together. FINALLY!!!
Now the pissed off part: why wasn't i born in the 60's??? I missed out on all the good stuff!!! All the great bands like grateful dead, the most amazing concert that is woodstock. If i was born in the 70's, i'd be able to enjoy music from both 60's and 80's without having to wait till now. All those awesome bands and songs, covered up in dust, just waiting for me to yank them out, giv 'em a good dusting and just....appreciate them.
Oh grateful dead, i'm so sorry it took me so long to google your music!!! Pardon
Now, this is the very first post where chocolates and rock music are mentioned together. FINALLY!!!
meanie on the loose
dilemma...dilemma.... Do i speak my mind and risk being an asshole in everyone's eyes; or do i keep quiet and try to tolerate it for as long as i can and stay mad inside????
I seriously want to be a bitch la, i can't take it anymore. The first few times were like 'ok, i'll humour you, whatever floats your boat'. Now it's like 'do it again and i'm gonna go bloody crazy'.
Most people would say, 'oh, it's a privellage, you should be happy'. Ba ba kia la!! I'm burning inside. I'm gonna go mad and start clawing at everyone's face, like a psychotic bitch (hehe)
Since i don't like asking for advice, i like making my own choices in life, i choose to...............be the bitch that i am!!!! Muahahaha!! I'm a bitch, fear me!! I don't care anymore la, this is one of those situations where you have to be selfish and protect yourself than be nice to people and making yourself miserable. There's a time to be nice, there's a time to be selfish and mean. I just prefer to be the latter cuz it's more me!!
I AM hak yan zang
" no one knows what it's like to be a bad man...."
I seriously want to be a bitch la, i can't take it anymore. The first few times were like 'ok, i'll humour you, whatever floats your boat'. Now it's like 'do it again and i'm gonna go bloody crazy'.
Most people would say, 'oh, it's a privellage, you should be happy'. Ba ba kia la!! I'm burning inside. I'm gonna go mad and start clawing at everyone's face, like a psychotic bitch (hehe)
Since i don't like asking for advice, i like making my own choices in life, i choose to...............be the bitch that i am!!!! Muahahaha!! I'm a bitch, fear me!! I don't care anymore la, this is one of those situations where you have to be selfish and protect yourself than be nice to people and making yourself miserable. There's a time to be nice, there's a time to be selfish and mean. I just prefer to be the latter cuz it's more me!!
I AM hak yan zang
" no one knows what it's like to be a bad man...."
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