i need chocolates

it's so strange. i was in an uber foul mood this past week. i didn't really talk much, got irritated real easily, and just kept to myself all the time. then, on sunday, while we were on our way to dinner after visiting my grandma at the hospital, i heard the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan playing on the radio. it caught my attention immediately. it was the same song that was played in the video made as a tribute to Baxter, the therapy dog, and it made me cry uncontrollably. i was struggling to smother my sniffles and sobs when i was watching the video on youtube for it was already midnight and i was in the upstairs living room. i didn't want to wake my parents with my loud sobs.

so, when i heard the same song, i started thinking of Baxter, and slowly, my thoughts went to Puss, one of my two cats, and how he lost his "fangs" due to his old age. in human years, i think he's around 10 to 11 years old, which makes him 60 in cat years. REALLY OLD. he's more ancient than my dad. since i was young, whenever i think or dreamt of him dying, i'd start crying. i couldn't bear to think of him leaving me. gosh, my tears are starting to well up in my eyes now. so, right now, i'm appreciating every single day i have with him. even Pedro loves and worships him dearly. every morning when he sees Puss washing his face on the lamp post after his breakfast, he's run out of the house, sit on the ground, and just stare at him like he's God. i'd hate to think how Pedro would react the day he finds that his buddy wouldn't be around to play with him anymore.

well, back to the story. so, when i got back home, i turned on my laptop and downloaded the song straight away. cried the whole night. my eyes were so swollen, i could hardly see my pupils. i spent the next whole afternoon googling for images of angels. saved plenty, and even made one as my wallpaper. seriously, since i saw that wonderful formation of clouds in the morning sky some months back, i've been so fascinated with angels. and after looking through all those beautiful images, my mood was lifted immediately. i felt calm and was grateful for the life i have now. but, not that i'm being overly negative, i know that this feeling won't last long. but having an angel constantly with me, (the one on my arm), i'm confident that it'll return when i need it to.